Small But Mighty

It doesn't actually seem physically possible that a two-year old's body could completely monopolize a queen-sized bed, so that the adult who's sharing it ends up cliffhanging off the furthest six inches, scruched in a terrribly uncomfortable ball, hoping not to fall off and knowing she'll never sleep. But anyone who has taken a sick toddler into bed with them knows what I am talking about.

First of all, the reason the child is there in the first place is because you thought it would be better to bring her into bed with you rather than run into her room every twenty minutes just to rub her back and reassure her that you know she's miserable and that you understand. But once she's there the tossing and turning ensues, squeezing you into those thin six inches of the edge, until finally, spread eagle diagonally across the entire spanse of the bed, the little one FINALLY falls deeply asleep-- no crying, no coughing, no fussing, no wheezing, just finally, silently asleep. And at that point you DONT DARE scoot her over, because the last thing you'd ever do is wake her up again!

It's just exactly what happens to your life once you have a baby. Out of the span of a 24-hour day, your own interests and goals end up designated to the few spare minutes at the end of the day when you're too tired to pursue them anyway. Her peace, her learning, her growth, her development come first, leaving you cliffhanging onto the ledge of your own desires, just hoping that that will be enough to keep them alive until a much later time when once again you can actually pursue them.

I am not complaining. I am happy to put myself last for a while, and I love caring for my children. But one has time to ponder these things as she lies awake listening to a snoring, content, and COMFORTABLE little person next to her!

The Cat's in the Cradle

Pat had to work all day Saturday and today he has to fly to Portland for the week. Eli burst into tears today out of the blue, and said, "I don't want daddy to go to the airport." Then he thought he'd try to fit in the suitcase to go with him. I never thought I'd be one of those parents who tried to protect my children from all adversity, but I have to admit that I got online to check ticket prices to see if we could go with him! It really is tough to see your kids genuinely bawl sad tears.

Starting a New Blog

I am starting a new blog about parenting tips, books, sites and ideas I want to remember as I begin my parent coaching practice. Eventually this will morph into my parent coaching website, but for now it's just a place to record all those ideas. So from now on, Life With the Bunz will just be updates on our family. If you're interested in reading the other blog, follow the My Parenting Blog link in my links section.

Mr. Cutes

Back in my teaching days I had a student named Micah. He was the kind of kid who would always ask how my day was going, the one who would notice that another student had his hands full and run to hold the door open. Unlike most boys his age, he had little desire to be cool, only to be good. I always thought "If I ever have a boy, I would want him to be like Micah. "

Sometimes dreams really do come true. I notice how Eli runs ahead to hold the door open and says, "I want to be a gentleman." He takes an extra apple slice so he can bring one to his sister. His favorite activity is pretending to be a cat or a caterpillar. For Halloween he wanted to be a yellow duck, not a pirate or a superhero. He says "OK mom" at most requests. He's a tender-hearted, loving little boy who is well on his way to being a Micah.

Poor kid. I'll never think his future wife is good enough for him....

A few things I've learned as a teacher and mom

If you enter your kids' or students' world for a while and give them your full attention, it makes all the difference. In return, they will happily respect your time when you need it.

You do not need to mince words with kids. They don't have a problem with "no" as long as there are plenty of "yesses" in their life. Of course it's good to give reasons, but kids aren't dumb. Most of the time they know why.

Deep down kids want to be held to high standards, often even higher than they set for themselves. They are forever grateful when you help them learn that they are stronger and more capable than they knew before.

Kids can start to contribute to the family as soon as they can understand language. It builds their self-worth to know that they are integral to the function of a larger unit. Every time they do a job well they build a mindset that says "I can handle responsibilities." As new challenges and tasks come along they will take them on more confidently because they know they can do it.

Take the time and make the effort very early on to guide, teach, direct, explain, and instill discipline. If you do this well in the early years, the rest of the years will be immensely more enjoyable.

When kids siblings have a conflict, enter the situation and state what the problem is. (something like, "Oh, I see what the problem is. Eli wants to play with the green legos, and Evie wants to play with the green legos too.) Then say, "I am confident you can solve this problem" and leave the room. This tip is from the book, How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so They'll Talk. I tried it when my kids were only 2, and I was amazed. They came running in and said,"We solved the problem. I gave the green legos to Eli and I played with the yellow ones! Now, at almost 3 they say, "How should we solve this problem?" and if I ask that, they come up with solutions. I recommend the mentioned book because it really helps get the kids thinking for themselves.

Real love is much more than a feeling. It is action, action, action.

Like Mother Like Kiddos

I guess my love for baking is hereditary. Eli and Evie love to make play-doh cookies and use the real oven to "bake" them. They insist on having the hot pads, real cookie sheets, the whole nine yards. Maybe I should get them a couple of aprons for Christmas!

The Beauty of Staying at Home

I have found that the days with two 2.5 year olds are much more successful if you have a plan. A great day consists of a strong dose of easygoing free play time, an interactive activity or two, a little time outside and maybe an errand or a short outing, all within the background of home maintenance, meals, cleanup, etc. Most of the time I have such a plan in the back of my mind.

But every once in a while I awaken in a different space. It's the "I don't have to get dressed if I don't want to, the chores can wait 'til later, or even tomorrow and nobody will care" mode. And that is the beauty of staying home with the children. When that mood hits, you can go with it. There's little to no room for listening to biorhythms in the workaday career world. No matter how I felt, I would don the professional clothing, slap on the makeup, fix my hair, and conquer the classroom.

Of course there are days when I think that staying home with two-year-olds is the hardest job in the world, but I mostly remind myself that these years are so fleeting and I'll never have them again, that there are some benefits that I never could enjoy while working, and that I am ever so fortunate to be able to fully raise my own children.

Brownie Points

Ah, to have a good husband. After coughing all night and only dozing off sometime after 3am, my dear husband took the day off for me. He got me medecine, took care of the kids, swam with them in their lesson, made a fort with the dining room table, played hide and seek, bathed them, and let me rest when I needed it. I never would have asked him to do that, and how nice that he just knew. Perhaps choosing a mate for life is THE most important decision one has to make in life. Boy, I did well on that one...

The Honeymoon Period Arrives Later With Twins

Twins.. they are so hard in the beginning. I remember the double nursing, juggling two slippery little bodies, the milk coming too fast and Eli screaming about it, NEVER being able to nurse in public unless I wanted to be showered with mardi gras beads! (there is no way to nurse twins discreetly), and finding myself in the grocery store with my shirt on inside out because it was a mad dash--nurse the babies, get 'em dressed, throw them in the car seats, to the car, grocery shop in a mad hurry, not with a shopping cart but with the double stroller that doesn't really have room for everything you need unless you pack it like a jigsaw puzzle, and rush home to....nurse again. Oh my GOD...

Then came the tag-teaming: "While mom is removing Evie and telling her not to climb the fireplace, I can get away with ....climbing the fireplace." I kid you not, I spent two hours straight teaching that the fireplace is a "no". And my personal favorite, learning to share toys.....when they are six months old!

After that was the the running away in two different directions phase, both toward impending doom, and my having to decide which one I must chase after first, the one toddling down a steep hill into a rock bed, or the one who has just figured out how to open the gate to the freedom of the open road! Next was watching them climb two different equally death-conjuring park ladders way before they should be able to and trying to convince 18 month olds, that they cannot climb at the same time...like they have that concept down!!

But it really does get easier, and it the investment of time and care is really paying off now. Eli and Evelyn are such good friends. Of course they have their conflicts at times, but for the most part, they make up games together, tackle each other on the floor, take turns with toys and bring each other snacks, shoes, and books. They will have the huge advantage of knowing what marriage is like twenty or thirty years before they even meet their soul mate. And while they play, I can actually get some things done around the house...finally.

Shameless Bragging

Here are some of the sweetest things my kids have said that make me proud.


When our playing accidentally caused a personal injury to Pat:

"That wasn't your fault mommy. That was my fault." -Eli

When Eli inadvertantly knocked Evie down:

"I'm okay. It was just an accident." --Evie

At the park, before the kiddos were 2.5 years old:

"Mom, the black swing is available." --Eli

Nearly every day:

"I found a really beautiful bug, mom." --Eli

"It's my turn now."
"One more minute."
"Okay." --Eli and Evie

Pretending to talk to Mimi on the phone:

"It was Mimi. She fell off a dolphin. She's okay though." --Evie

My Cutie Pea

My little girl is getting so big. She loves to make tea parties and create "special treats" for everyone with her pretend food. She takes great care of her baby by reading it stories and taking her for walks in the stroller. She wants to do things her own way without interference in the process. One of her favorite things to do is to figure out what the animal needs. The animal is whatever Eli has decided to become. She brings him food, tries to pet him, and offers him particular toys she thinks he might like to play with. I love my Evie!

Our Unconventional Vacation

Many don't understand this, but some people do. Pat had been working often six days a week, and therefore I was always with the kids. We both needed a break, and we both needed some alone time.

I found a beautiful little cabin in the middle of Castle Valley, a homespun little hay bail house. Pat went for four days by himself. Then he came home and I left for the cabin, for four glorious days by myself. We each did yoga, hiked, read books, and basically basked in the silence, taking time to remember that we are individuals with our own separate desires outside of our roles as parents, spouses, and professionals.

We love our intertwined lives and we deeply cherish our family, but we also must nurture ourselves, and we did just that. Maybe our next vacation will be together as a family, but it will be a close race.

Ny New "Do"

I went in for a haircut and decided to make a change. One day I love it, the next day I hate it. I have decided to stick with it for a month to see if I get used to it. I suppose it would look a lot better if I didn't always pair it with jeans and a sweatshirt, but I am too cheap and practical to bother being fashionable while chasing 2 year olds around and cleaning house!

Fall Fun

The kids had a lot of fun playing in the leaves in the front yard and they loved Halloween. We weren't sure if we'd get Evie's costume on her this year (Remember the mad cow?) but once we told her she had to wear it in order to trick or treat she put on her Elmo suit with pride. She only wanted to be Elmo because she has declared red as one of her favorite colors and we just couldn't find a red kitty cat. Eli was a duck, because yellow is his favorite color. This may be a twin thing, but whatever color he likes, she can't like, and vice versa. I don't know how those identicals' parents ever get their kids to wear the same clothes! Mine would fight that to the death, and I wouldn't blame 'em.

Life in Utah

I was inspired by my good friends to keep this updated, but it has been a long time, so I won't attempt to fill you in on everything in between. We have been in Salt Lake City now for about nine months and, although we definitely miss our close family and friends, we are enjoying the new lifestyle here in Salt Lake, namely city life, more sunshine, and a very family oriented area. We have managed to make some good friends in Nina and Randy, who live only a few blocks away and also have a boy and a girl, and have gotten back in touch with a very close friend from high school, Emily and her family. The kids stay occupied with walks in the (huge) cemetery across the street, swimming lessons, story time at the library and playing with each other.

I have started in on my parent coaching studies and am very excited to put my skills to use once I am through. November 8th I attended a four-day conference and had the opportunity to meet my fellow students. Brain research was the main topic, and now I can tell you in full depth why my kids don't watch very much TV! It was very valuable.

We don't know how long we'll be here, but we do know that we'd rather stay than be sent somewhere else. We like our remodeled 1908 house, the sunshine, the parks in close proximity, our new friends, and our neighborhood. We might even settle on in if we can get all of our loved ones to relocate!